I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
