remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
