My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
