Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
