Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
