What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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