Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
