I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
