lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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