Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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