just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
So squirting runs in the family.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Last time i carry you out of a forest
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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