I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
