you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
