can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Randomize
