Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
