In the future we'll all be gay
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize