Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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