So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Well I just put wine in my tea
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
