We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
