maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
