my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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