just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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