can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I still have a little drunk in my system
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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