I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
