Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
