I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
