You just made me feel so damn special
Swine flu. Run for my life!
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
So apparently I’m into choking now
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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