I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
