Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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