Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
