I cut my penus on the lid.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
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