the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
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I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
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I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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