i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
