Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
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