oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I need to calm my uterus...
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
