I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
