so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
