its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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