dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
