Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
