tell your sister to shave her snatch
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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