I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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