Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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