i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
is that a dick in a sweater?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
