She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
