Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
