He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
