We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Randomize
