i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
