he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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