Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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