Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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