This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
