Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize