he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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