whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
