Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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