That's when you crack a 10am beer
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
