nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
