Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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