I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
