The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
